


Eight

by Builder



Series: Heroverse [34]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Angst, Bucky Barnes Remembers, Hurt No Comfort, Implied Sexual Content, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-09
Updated: 2020-08-09
Packaged: 2021-03-05 20:20:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 819
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25811248
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Builder/pseuds/Builder
Summary: “Rough day.”“Wanna talk about it?”Of course Steve does.  Not because he’s pushy, or overly curious, but because he really cares.  And if Bucky does what he really wants and takes his beer inside and locks himself in the bedroom with his dark thoughts, Steve will sit on the porch all night and wonder what he did wrong.  And Bucky will swallow nails before he makes Steve do that.
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers
Series: Heroverse [34]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/838239
Comments: 1
Kudos: 20





	Eight

**Author's Note:**

> Find me on tumblr @builder051

They’re having a date night on the back porch. Steve seems to have gone out of his way to make everything perfect, with beer bottles chilling in a silver ice bucket and dinner waiting on the patio table. 

Bucky goes to put on his shoes before venturing onto the back porch, but Steve takes his hand and pulls him outside before he can tie the laces. “Come on,” he says. “Before the mosquitoes get the first bite of the steak.”

Bucky laughs and lets himself be pushed into a chair. This is such a kind gesture. He’s supposed to find this wonderful, the food and the booze and whatever wonderfully sweet thing he can smell baking inside the house. But instead, it makes Bucky’s stomach clench.

He’s not nervous, per se. He just has his guard up. At least that’s what he tells himself. There’s no change to his personality. He can still be gregarious and friendly and genuine. He just...has to be careful. He knows where this is supposed to lead.

They’ve done it before, eaten outside, then kissed, then wound up with Bucky in a chair with Steve straddling his lap, playing with the button on his jeans until they had to run inside in order to get to the good part. And it was good. It was...more than good. They’d woken up on the sofa at 3 in the morning, shrugged and decided not to bother going on to bed, then snuggled deeper into each other’s arms and fallen asleep again. 

He’s pretty sure that’s what Steve’s going for again. Bucky thinks back on that night with nothing but fondness, but today of all days... He just knows he can’t deliver. 

“What’s up?”

“Huh?” Bucky’s been silent a tick too long. Steve’s noticed. Bucky’s heart beats faster as he searches for something to say. 

“You were home late. What did Fury have you doing today?” Steve asks, cutting into his baked potato.

Looking at intel Nat’s brought back from her missions and ranking the locations mentioned as most to least likely to be active HYDRA bases. Giving priority to some sites over others. Guessing where there might be prisoners. Experiments. Gambling with people’s lives. “Oh,” Bucky says. “Maps.”

“Must’ve been a lot of them.”

“Yeah.” Bucky looks down at his plate, but finds the meat, cooked to a perfect medium and sitting in its own juices, rather a sorry sight. He reaches for a beer instead, wishing it could actually give him a buzz. He’d love to drink away the day. Get wasted, let Steve fuck him. It’d be a fine night. 

But instead he nurses the bottle for nostalgia and taste and something to do. Bucky has maybe thirty seconds left before Steve notices he’s not eating, and he casts around desperately for an excuse. The truth would probably be the best option, but he isn’t sure he feels up to going over it again, not after being at it all day long. He could just say he’s not in the mood, but to see Steve’s face fall after making so many preparations...

“You ok?” Steve cocks his head, looking concerned. 

“Yeah, I’m fine,” Bucky says before stopping to think. He could’ve played up a headache. Steve would’ve believed that no question.

“Sure?”

Bucky sighs. “Mm.” He puts down his bottle and twists at his lip. “Rough day.”

“Wanna talk about it?”

Of course Steve does. Not because he’s pushy, or overly curious, but because he really cares. And if Bucky does what he really wants and takes his beer inside and locks himself in the bedroom with his dark thoughts, Steve will sit on the porch all night and wonder what he did wrong. And Bucky will swallow nails before he makes Steve do that.

“Uh,” Bucky starts. He takes a long breath. “Just. Some stuff came up. And, well, bad stuff. I just, it’s on my mind.”

Steve puts down his utensils and lowers his voice. “Tell me?”

Bucky shakes his head. Steve knows the basics. What was in the case files, anyway. It’s barely the tip of the iceberg, but it does the job. Gets the point across.

Steve presses his lips together and nods. Bucky knows he’s dissatisfied, though. He wants Bucky’s confidence. His trust. 

“I, well, you know I was unconscious for a lot of...that. Or drugged. A lot of it is too foggy to really remember.” Bucky pauses. “Tonight is just... not--”

“It’s ok,” Steve says quickly. “I get it.” He smiles kindly. “You never have to, you know.”

Bucky slowly nods, his heart sinking.

“Dessert?” Steve offers. “We can still do that.”

“Sure.”

Steve disappears into the house, and Bucky drops his face into his palms. He told Steve it was too foggy to really remember. But he knows perfectly well they violated him on eight occasions. And he recalls the details of every one.


End file.
